the butterfly

Well, I promised you yesterday to tell you the tale of the butterfly.
There are a few variables of it, but allow me to quote it from Thoreau:

"Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it,

the more it will elude you,

but if you turn your attention to other things,

it will come and sit quietly on your shoulder."

I can concur, when happiness is lost, it can usually be found at unexpected places. But please, do not let this slow down your pursuit for happiness.
Because that journey might also bring you precious experiences.

For example. When my world shattered a few years ago, I took a solo-trip to Asia to figure out what to do with my life. Did I get all the answers? Probably not, but the trip was amazing. Not only did I encountered many interesting people, found serenity, and had some kick-ass memories. But also I discovered the wisdom that already lay dormant within me.

Heh… ‘wisdom’…  While typing it down, that word seems so strange to me. But I must admit, I did learn a lot from my little pursuit.

Of course, as always, within time old habits came crawling back to me. So I lost some of the vibe that I had built up during my journey. But some results never faded; they lay dormant at best. And you can find most of them in this blog.

So for me, happiness isn’t a destination, it’s a medium that makes life more pleasant. Enjoy it when you can, and keep your eyes open for new ways to discover it.  

Shiny happy people

Hey there, sorry for my irregular posts. I have a lot on my mind, so it isn’t always easy to post on a daily basis. Still, I’ll try my best to indulge you. And if it takes too long, feel free to give me a push in the back.

Speaking about preoccupied. Someone once stated that only dumb people can be perfectly happy. At that point a friend of mine retorted : “well then you look like the happiest person, I know.”
The other just smiled and said: you think so? Thanks.

However you take this pun, it is true that sometimes the less we know, the happier we seem.

Then again knowledge can be overrated. Be honest: what the bleep do we know about our lives? What predictions can we make about the nearby future?
Take me for example: with all my *ahem* knowledge, I made some predictions on how my future was going to be like. And you know what? They were often wrong.
I never imagined myself moving to Ireland for a year and a half, or writing a musical (of all things, a musical), or doing rock jumping, or working where I work right now...  Oh god, I have to get up within five hours. Then again: I never imagined drinking whiskey from  Jennifer Lawrence’s belly…   Yeah, I guess that will never happen.

But no matter how you look at the outcome. Things have a way of turning out all right. Sometimes you just have to let it flow and see where the tide takes you. You might not get the result you wanted, but that isn’t always a bad thing. There will always be opportunities waiting for you. Just keep  focused, recognize possibilities and take them, instead of fighting the current to get to this one impossible place… for now. You will still have your chances… remind me to tell you the tale of the butterfly next time we meet. 

game on

There are many ways that you can see life.

Is it a struggle? A marathon? A collection of random actions and encounters? A clock ticking slower and slower every day? Or can it be a playground?

The way we perceive reality often makes us live out that reality. If you focus on the bad things, then no matter how much ‘lucky-breaks’ you get, you’ll always wonder when it is going to blow up in your face. When you focus on the positive feats however, then you’ll see opportunities and chances wherever you look. And the bad things? Well, everybody is bound to have a bad day every once and a while.

I too look at life in various ways, depending on my mood. But these two are my favorite:

- life’s a journey

- life’s a game

Let’s take a look at the second one 

Life is a game.

There are many aspects on a game, but the important ones are:

It’s for fun

We all like to win

And it’s more fun when others play along. Providing they’re not too serious about it. 

The funny thing with a game is, that even though there are some rules, they always tend to change, depending on the company you play with, So be  lean, go for fun, and try to win. It’s your game, you are entitled to win.  But never be a sore loser: show sportsmanship if another other turns out victoriously. There will be plenty more of games will follow. Plenty more opportunities to make the best of it. And besides, the more we’ll play, the better we get at it. Different games require different skills.

Now go out and play. 

never give up

I don’t write because I can, I write because I cannot stop.

And believe me I’ve tried.

We all have passions, dreams  and whishes. But every once and a while we get dishearten and prompted to stop.  More than often we wonder: why am I still doing this, why would it even matter? 

Well, let me ask you this: you have gotten this far already, why would you stop now? Look at the progress you’ve made already. If you look up to your role models, don’t get discouraged on how much better they are. Live up to them. Because even they had their doubts, even they mirror themselves to their own heroes and gods.  The reason why they succeeds, where others fail:

They got to know the right people

And

They never gave up.

That last trait is something that resonates everywhere. I once took a seminar, getting advice from hundreds of writers and aspiring writers. Each one was granted one line of wisdom, to share with the rest of us.  And you better believe it: the most common advice wasn’t  to change into mirroring success  or to pay for professionalism. It was NEVER  GIVE UP.

You’re almost there, keep it up, make me us proud. And when you’re up there, in the spotlight next to your role models, reach out and help the other ones who still struggle.  We are a unity, we look after each other.  

emotions on demand

Well, won’t you look at that; my very first request. Cool, you’re reaching out.

“Please write a blog post on how to control/kill/ignore emotions.”

Whew, that’s not an easy one.  But before I give you an answer, please mind that I’m not a real ‘expert’. I have no scholar training about the matters of the mind. Still, if you like my answers, feel free to try them out. Besides being a dreamer, I’m also a logic thinker. So you might find some of my comments useful. And since it’s free of fee and free of Prozac, it can’t hurt to try. Please let me know how it went.  

Now, about emotions.

First of all: do NOT kill emotions. You are a human being. Your emotions, make you who you are. And even if some of those emotions might be hindering you, they make you act out the way you do. And that’s not always a bad thing. We all sometimes feel that our emotions drag us down, but on other occasions they lift us up and make us enjoy the moment.  Life  = emotion.

Of course if the emotions trouble you too much, then there are ways of dealing with them. You can numb them. And believe me there are many ways to do that. BUT that is not a good thing. If every time you grab to that easy way out solution, you’ll develop a habit, which in its turn may turn into an addiction. But yeah, I understand, sometimes you just need a quick way to unwind, but please be careful, things can become a habit/addiction much quicker than we’d know.   

So what are the alternatives? There are many, but let me start out this blog with only three.

The first one is to allow the emotions get to you. Someone once told me that emotions are like a wave that is about to flush over you. You can stop this wave of emotions, but the more you resist them, the bigger the wave is going to become, until you can no longer stop it. The solution: if you feel  a wave coming up, close your eyes, take a deep breath and just let it flow. Don’t fight it, don’t try to grasp it, just know that the emotions if coming up and let it brush past you.  You have feelings, you are human, and you do have a choice not to be swept away by the wave. Just stand tall, it will pass, new and better emotions will follow.

The best way to do this is when you are alone in a quiet place (and not operating heavy machinery, or in a cockpit… ouch… To soon?) The point is, everybody has a good memory of a place/time where you were happy or calm. Recalling that memory when emotions run rampant will assist you in soothing down.

For example, when I was in Ireland I had a tough time advancing, due to strong wind (currents that is; nothing to do with beans in tomato sauce). Despite the beautiful weather, the wind pounded down merciless, you could even see birds being blown back in the sky. I wanted to push further but the wind kept hammering down on me.  I had to stop. Luckily next to the road there were small  stone walls (about 30 centimeters high: the famine walls). I jumped over the wall, and lay down in the grass just next to it. The wind kept roaring on but thanks to the wall it couldn’t touch me (yet I could still enjoy the sunshine). And with the wind, all my thoughts were carried away, allowing me to be present in the moment, and to enjoy a few precious moment of serenity. After  the wind smoothened, I got up  and continued my way.  All it took were 10 minutes. And you know what? Sometimes, when emotions tend to go berserk within me (as I am a writer, that does tend to happen), I think back on that moment in Ireland. I t does help. Just like the wind before, I let my troubles blow over that 30 centimeter high famine wall, as I enjoy the sunshine and the scenery.  And when the storm is over, I carry on.

A second possibility, is to indulge to your emotions. You have them for a reason. You need to process it. If you’re sad, listen to sad music, If you’re hopelessly romantic, watch a good chick flick with a bucket of ice cream and let the tears just flow. If you’re angry, punch a pillow. If you’re happy and you know it… clap your hands. If you feel pretentious: write a blog.

It helps, just be sure that these solutions are short timed.  It’s a helpful way to break down the biggest wave. After that, it is up to you to carry on.

But how? Well, try rationalize them. We are all following instincts, patterns and social programming. Analyze it, what makes you tick. What causes those feelings, are they rational, do they also occur in other situations? Can we turn them into good use?

Lastly: never underestimate the power of people. When I feel down I’ll try to meet up again with people. Not to pour all my troubles over them, but just to have a good time. Other people, other  situations, a change of scenery can help you put things into perspective. And yes, sometimes a shoulder to cry on can also help. But never forget that the real problem solver is, and has always been, you.  

fight or flight

Instead of just sitting in that same old same old cantina, I take on self defense classes every Wednesday during lunch break. Well, actually, I already did that before, but I quit due to the high impact of it. Luckily a co-worker dragged me back into the punch.  I’m not going to tell you which martial art it is, let’s just say that its motto would be “hit ‘em where it hurts *ding dong*"

Truth be told, just like before, I still am the slowest student. But I don’t give up. In the beginning I was very self conscious. Everybody else already had some combat experience, or at least packed some punch. So during my first lessons  I was constantly apologizing to everybody for slowing down the progress of the group. You might guess that people who eat knuckle sandwiches for breakfast, might react quite strongly to this. But no. They were patient.

“We’ve all been there, kid.”

“Everybody has to start somewhere.”

“Hey, at least you’re learning.”
“No, you’re not a bad student, it is my job as a teacher to make you better.”

And so on.

The general idea was that the chain is as strong as the weakest link. And instead of breaking down that link, people were patient, understanding, allowing this weak link to become stronger.
Now, I still don’t eat knuckle sandwiches for breakfast, but at least I’m not held back to learn.

Take this example and implement it with anything. The reason why we don’t learn new skills is due to the (irrational) fear that people will judge us as the rookie we are. This is hardly ever the case (and if it is: find a new group/teacher).  Our goal isn’t to stay out of the professional’s way. Our job is to make progress, become better and always be eager to learn. And nothing can stop you… You only have to fight your own thoughts and fears.  The rest of us do the same thing. 

True, if you got talent, you have an advantage. But there are things just as important (if not perhaps even more important). And those things are patience and perseverance.
Of course... a bit of self mockery and humor can also be valuable ass-sests.

  

in the long run

Heyhey, welcome back. I hope you had a great weekend.

Today I had an interesting conversation wth a co worker.
He told me the following:

We always over-estimate the things we can achieve in one year.
BUT
We also under-estimate the things we have achieved in five years. 

With that line I can connect many ideas. So I hope you don't mind if I haven't put a joke in this pot by now... there will be plenty of other opportunities for that later, muhahahah.

There is truth in it. Everything seems to be measurable. There are even people asking me how many viewers I have for this blog. Well, I have you reading right now, and that's all that matters to me. Anyway, with everything measured, you might sometimes feel like losing track in the marathon of life. Everybody seems to go so far, so fast; while we are still warming up.
But always remember, life isn't a sprint: it's long distance running. You have peaks, depts, second breaths, and so on. Sometimes people cheer for us, sometimes it's a lonely sprint.
If we just narrow our perception to our targets, to what has to be accomplished in one year, then there is a big chance that we become overwhelemd by it and even tempted to stop. That's why new year's resolutions only help us to give you a jump start. After the first months you fall back in your normal rhythm. Then it is up to you to find your own pace and keep up with it.
But why won't you look back every once in a while? Where were you five years ago? What good memories do you gained have from there on?
Don't lie to me;
there are some pretty awesome things you have been doing. I know it. And even if your accomplishment sometimes seem meager in your eyes, there will always be people who will be impressed, so why won't you?

Besides, there's always a chance we won't end up where we thought to finish. But that doesn't mean our new destination will be any less interesting.
If everything is predicted, would we still enjoy it, would we even bother to get up from our lazy couch?
Speaking about destination, I totally forgot what my point was in this post. Still, I hope you enjoyed it, I'm going to get some sleep, before I start ruining this post.. hmmm have I just written this out loud?

Goodnight.