words

Hi
there is a chance I don't know you (too well).
But take it from me: you are someone special. The dreams you have, the projects that play in your mind: you have the heart to make them happen.
Some day you are going to make it. And everybody around you will know it.

Why do I say this? Well, because it can be true.
Everybody has potential that still remains untapped. Why? Call it human nature. The instinct to preserve, to stay in the safe spot. We are all holding back.
But that's not what's on discussion today.

Today I am talking about the power of words.
The text you were reading, did it motivate you?
If not, then it might take a few more tries.
But the reason why it has potential, is that I believe in it.
Even if I might not know you (too well)
I firmly believe that what I stated is true.
So it gives some authority.
It might take a few tries. A few fails.
But in the end a message will come through. So pick your words carfully:
they might open a flow of thoughts to someone. Be it for good or for bad.

There was a little anekdote I had with a coworker on the trainride back home.
We were talking about the way our chief communicates with the coworkers.
She has quite a direct way to get her point across. Which sometimes leads to discussions.
I know that her intention is good. Only the message is a bit... What's a better word for  crude?
Anyway.
After a hellish meeting, one where the stress level reached boiling point, I had a chance to talk to her casually. She admitted that it's rough to be a boss when everybody's complaining and shouting.
An argument I certainly can understand.
So I replied: 'it's only natural that the coworkers react like this. They are passionate about their job. They want to do the right thing but circumstances won't allow it. And that's frustrating them. They need to vent it. Because there's nothing as bad for the morale than to know how to do your job, to love it, but to be unable to cope with the (pardon my english) shitstorm that's happening. It's nothing personal. You are working with people. It's the way people are."
Please do keep in mind that I didn't really use the word shitstorm.  Somehow my stream of thoughts is a lot dirtier than my mouth.
Hmm, that came out wrong didn't it?
Ahem.
So she complimented me on my filosophical approach. And that was it. five minutes alter we were on our seperate ways. She to face the shitstorm. And me to conquer the world (while waiting twenty minutes for a bloody train).

Well, my coworker reacted surprised: "That was you? When did you tell her that?!"
me: "ehm, pardon? Oh I guess about a month ago."
coworker: "Some weeks after that, the chef came to me to compliment me on my work and that she understood why I reacted so strongly. I said that I understood her too and that everything was said in the heat of an argument."
Apperantly the other coworkers were dumbstruck by this exchange of kind words.

Long story short(er)
I still believe it wasn't me who gave her that nudge, but my coworker insisted.
She had done a similar way of talking with another chef. And apparently it worked... for a few weeks. But in these few weeks there was a relative peace and tranquility, defusing a bit of the situation.
Because when everybody keeps running around with their fuses lit, things will explode.
Like I said. I still believe it wasn't me. But I do believe in the power of words.
We all have that power. The only question is: how do we deal with such power?

I guess that is why I keep on writing this blog every once and a while.
There is a big chance only you will read this.
But if these words can help you reach your potential, then it will be worth it.

scar tissue

I know something about you… you have a scar on your knee.
If right now you gasp and wonder how I know this: a lot of people have a scar like that, since falling on our knees is more common than we think. Some even get an arrow to the knee (sorry for this outdated joke).  That’s why some fortunetellers will use this fact to prove they can ‘really’ see the unexplained.  But since the supernatural isn’t really my turf, let’s get back to the scar issue.

 We all have scars, things from the past that changed our appearance.  Some are small and unseen, sometimes even unnoticed. While others might even affect the way you behave.
A personal example? If ever you have the honor/horror to see me topless:  you can still see a small line on the skin above my collarbone. While the scar is almost gone, the metal spike underneath it still remains. That spike was meant to keep the broken bone on its place. And while it has long served, it still remains as a part of me. In the beginning it changed my life drastically: the slightest touch of that area caused great pain. I became more cautious and avoided everything that might hint a danger of direct contact. As time passed I returned to my old habits and even took more chances: roller coasters,  cliff jumping, festivals… Although you won’t see me crowd surfing any time soon now.

The same thing goes with your inner scars.

 An experience might have hurt you so deeply that is has left a scar on your soul. In the beginning you’ll mostly remind the pain, and everything that gets near you will cause some kind of a reaction. Later on you’ll try to move on and pick up your normal way of life. The beginning is always the hardest part. You are suspicious of everything that has a hint of hurting you. Though as time passes you’ll eventually return to your normal way of experiencing life. It is true that the scar will still remind you time and again about the injury, and perhaps you’ll be more cautious in similar situations. But in the end it won’t affect you as much as you initially feared.  The cliché is often true: time can heal all wounds. So no matter which discomfort you might experience, whether it is physical or mental. You will still be you. And the pain will subside.

Side note: in some cases, when the pain is deeper, a full recovery will not always be in order. But still time will teach you how to return to a similar way of living. The things that make you who you are, will always find a way to submerge. Have faith in it. 

emotions on demand

Well, won’t you look at that; my very first request. Cool, you’re reaching out.

“Please write a blog post on how to control/kill/ignore emotions.”

Whew, that’s not an easy one.  But before I give you an answer, please mind that I’m not a real ‘expert’. I have no scholar training about the matters of the mind. Still, if you like my answers, feel free to try them out. Besides being a dreamer, I’m also a logic thinker. So you might find some of my comments useful. And since it’s free of fee and free of Prozac, it can’t hurt to try. Please let me know how it went.  

Now, about emotions.

First of all: do NOT kill emotions. You are a human being. Your emotions, make you who you are. And even if some of those emotions might be hindering you, they make you act out the way you do. And that’s not always a bad thing. We all sometimes feel that our emotions drag us down, but on other occasions they lift us up and make us enjoy the moment.  Life  = emotion.

Of course if the emotions trouble you too much, then there are ways of dealing with them. You can numb them. And believe me there are many ways to do that. BUT that is not a good thing. If every time you grab to that easy way out solution, you’ll develop a habit, which in its turn may turn into an addiction. But yeah, I understand, sometimes you just need a quick way to unwind, but please be careful, things can become a habit/addiction much quicker than we’d know.   

So what are the alternatives? There are many, but let me start out this blog with only three.

The first one is to allow the emotions get to you. Someone once told me that emotions are like a wave that is about to flush over you. You can stop this wave of emotions, but the more you resist them, the bigger the wave is going to become, until you can no longer stop it. The solution: if you feel  a wave coming up, close your eyes, take a deep breath and just let it flow. Don’t fight it, don’t try to grasp it, just know that the emotions if coming up and let it brush past you.  You have feelings, you are human, and you do have a choice not to be swept away by the wave. Just stand tall, it will pass, new and better emotions will follow.

The best way to do this is when you are alone in a quiet place (and not operating heavy machinery, or in a cockpit… ouch… To soon?) The point is, everybody has a good memory of a place/time where you were happy or calm. Recalling that memory when emotions run rampant will assist you in soothing down.

For example, when I was in Ireland I had a tough time advancing, due to strong wind (currents that is; nothing to do with beans in tomato sauce). Despite the beautiful weather, the wind pounded down merciless, you could even see birds being blown back in the sky. I wanted to push further but the wind kept hammering down on me.  I had to stop. Luckily next to the road there were small  stone walls (about 30 centimeters high: the famine walls). I jumped over the wall, and lay down in the grass just next to it. The wind kept roaring on but thanks to the wall it couldn’t touch me (yet I could still enjoy the sunshine). And with the wind, all my thoughts were carried away, allowing me to be present in the moment, and to enjoy a few precious moment of serenity. After  the wind smoothened, I got up  and continued my way.  All it took were 10 minutes. And you know what? Sometimes, when emotions tend to go berserk within me (as I am a writer, that does tend to happen), I think back on that moment in Ireland. I t does help. Just like the wind before, I let my troubles blow over that 30 centimeter high famine wall, as I enjoy the sunshine and the scenery.  And when the storm is over, I carry on.

A second possibility, is to indulge to your emotions. You have them for a reason. You need to process it. If you’re sad, listen to sad music, If you’re hopelessly romantic, watch a good chick flick with a bucket of ice cream and let the tears just flow. If you’re angry, punch a pillow. If you’re happy and you know it… clap your hands. If you feel pretentious: write a blog.

It helps, just be sure that these solutions are short timed.  It’s a helpful way to break down the biggest wave. After that, it is up to you to carry on.

But how? Well, try rationalize them. We are all following instincts, patterns and social programming. Analyze it, what makes you tick. What causes those feelings, are they rational, do they also occur in other situations? Can we turn them into good use?

Lastly: never underestimate the power of people. When I feel down I’ll try to meet up again with people. Not to pour all my troubles over them, but just to have a good time. Other people, other  situations, a change of scenery can help you put things into perspective. And yes, sometimes a shoulder to cry on can also help. But never forget that the real problem solver is, and has always been, you.