never assume anything

Okay… the title might be a bit extreme, but admit it: you aren’t a mind reader. 
If you think you are, then quickly think about the number I am thinking of…
If you thought it was the number 69, then congratulations: you are a mind reader and this message will not apply for you. Carry on reading my mind instead of this blog.

But let’s play along and say that you didn’t guess it. Then allow me to repeat: we can’t read people’s minds.
 Still we make assumptions how people think about us. True, sometimes we have good reasons to validate this: hints, predictable behavior… But do you really know what others are thinking? The answer is no.  Don’t  jump into conclusions that people are thinking bad about you, or care nothing about you. Truth is: generally people tend to think about themselves. Not that they are selfish. No (well, some are)  but even more than with actual conversations, people listen the strongest to their inner dialogue. On our turn, we convey this inner dialogue to other people when we try to measure them up. The only problem is: different people means different dialogues. So you can assume that the first thought you have about someone has a real chance to be false.  
As Chris Jones once said ‘we are all meaning-making-machines’. And he is right,  we connect imaginary dots in order to let it fit with our inner dialogue. If that dialogue is bad, then you make bad connections to people, even when they weren’t thinking about you.  So how do you know for sure? Step up to them and socialize. It’s amazing how your idea can change just by addressing others.

I  too have misjudged people, situations , reactions, and feelings. And probably I will keep on doing that on some occasions. But let me tell you what: the best and most surprising conversations I had, were with people I initially misjudged. Even the most shallow behaviour or stereoptype can hide a much deeper meaning. So go ahead and give it a try, you will be surprised too, once you cast aside your presumptions and connect with people open mindedly.

One little side notice: misjudging positively can also have consequences, it usually falls under the category overconfidence or naivety. 
So try to see everything as if you saw it for the first time. And if things are unclear: ask.  

Oh and please don’t remind me of the irony. I am well aware of the fact that I make a hell of a lot presumptions while writing these texts.  Then again: I always was better with irony than with ironing.