Bucket time

You know what time it is?

Bucket time!

You probably heard about this concept: a bucket list. 

If you haven’t, it’s a list you make for yourself (or copy from the internet) containing all the things you want to do before a certain time; e.g. before you’re becoming an adult (not applicable to yours truly), before  getting married, before spawning children, before you reach the age of 30-40, before you’re getting too old for this shit.
So there is a deadline, but it isn’t yet in the nearby future, allowing you to take your time to achieve some great dreams.

Following this theory: “I have to buy double glazed windows before the next time I shave my legs,” is NOT a good item for your bucket list (and again not applicable to yours truly).

Now, why would you start a bucket list (if you haven’t already)?

Well, life is short. We are capable of so many things, we have so many dreams that are realizable if you just put your mind to it. Listing those dreams down , offers a  solid first step in getting those them realized.  One of the next steps is telling other people what you have in mind, gain their support, and maybe even a helping hand. 
Imagine how amazing would it be if you actually achieve one of those accomplishments.

A second rule of bucket listing, is to never erase any entry of your list. Because it doesn’t mean that when  your dream seems stupid or infantile at the moment, that it can’t or won’t be achieved in a later stage. Besides, nothing feels so satisfying as to mark an entry on that list as ‘achieved’.

I already had the honor of marking much of my entries. But there are some that are still open. Don’t worry,  I won’t share all of them with you. Let’s just give you a glimpse, who knows you can help me with it.

The main reason I do this, is to inspire you to do the same. Heck, I fucking challenge you to do it.
feel free to put your list in the comments section, perhaps I can even throw in a few tips.  

Part of my bucket:

Get one of my  books published (for starters)
If the book gets enough readers: get a tattoo of it (this would be my first).
Shave my head (just to see how it looks)
learn to play the electric guitar
be at new Orleans’ mardi grass
work for the gaming industry (close call, but not yet achieved)
act in a horror movie
take over the world
 Attend a real American home party
get a real old fashioned oak writing desk.
sword fighting (with real steel)
fire a gun/rifle
driving a quad/trike
wild water rafting
experience crossing the desert (perhaps by camel)
experience weightlessness in space.
be at Oktoberfest in Munich
swim with sharks
participate in a huge food fight
mud soccer
partycrashing a wedding
do the transseberian express
go to Argentina
go to Vietnam

Let it go

About a year ago, I talked with a Buddhist monk. I just walked up to him and asked: “excuse me, can I pick your mind for a moment?”

Of course he looked at me funny, for just about a nanosecond. I  guess I have that effect on people. I guess no one really expects me to be straightforward. But I have my moments… sometimes. Anyway, he was happy to indulge me.

As you know one of my perks is to give people advice, whether they like it or not. But I wanted to go further, because sometimes some issues were just too deep. HowHow can you help people, when you don’t know what to say?

His response was the following.

“Internal suffering is a matter of the past. So the best way to help, is to assist them in letting go of that past, instead of clinging on to it. Focus on the now and stop bringing it up.”

This is not a strict rule: sometimes it truly helps to let people ventilate their pain. Sometimes, they don’t want advice they just want to be understood. A listening ear and a caring embrace can sometimes do wonders. But don’t allow it to become caught in a loop. Divert the focus on the nicer things in life. Take them away from the past and gently guide them into the present.
Furthermore, letting go of the past doesn’t mean breaking all contact with the people you once knew and start building up an entire life from scratch. It means stay in touch, without the constant reminders of the past. 
This is not always an easy task, but if you focus too much on what happened, you are deemed to let this past affect all your future decisions, then you’ll miss out many wonderful opportunities. And yes, there is always the danger that history might repeat itself... but on the other hand, sometimes all it takes is one opportunity to break the circle.   

let's meat

If you have been browsing these messages for a little while, you might wonder if all those things I say are really worth the effort. If you have: good for you, never trust the experts J

On the other hand, If you do follow all my posts unconditionally, then I have bad news for you: I am not (yet) a licensed witchdoctor, so some of my posts are based on presumptions and general truths. Why? Because it isn’t always easy basing my advice on a general audience, without even knowing who is reading it… Well that’s not entirely true is it? You’re reading this, you take the effort to skim through my bad puns and filter out the wisdom.  So I do owe you to test out my own theories every once and a while.

Not so long ago (yesterday in fact), I was in a rather melancholic mood.  Yes, I too have my dark moments, just like you. We are only human after all. There are only a few persons on this world who are always happy… and they usually wear jackets with very long sleeves.  

Still, a foul mood can have a disastrous effect on the creativity (among other things), so instead of closing all the curtains, unplugging all social devices, and watching  cannibal the musical for the 5^th time, I decided to follow my own advice. I picked up my phone and browsed through the contact list. I found a few old friends; you know the ones: you haven’t seen them in ages and still you solemnly promise to meet them any day in the near future. In fact… you have been promising yourself that for the past decade. So I gave them a call. Yes, a genuine phone call; no phasebook, no hotmale, no what’s upp…  a call when you dial the number, hear the tone and hope for the love of jebus, that you won’t have to speak to a voicemail. Of course I ended up with a few voicemails, left a polite message and continued my calling spree. The ones who did answer were, as to say the least, surprised to hear me. And you know what? I really can’t tell who was happier to hear the other ones voice.

Never EVER underestimate the power of a personal call above any means of instant messaging. The tone of voice says so much more than a bunch of carelessly typed smileys.  

Needless to say after a few of these calls my melancholy (and perhaps even theirs) was nowhere to be found.  So there you see it, people are the key, you just have to pick the right ones.  So why don’t you give it a try? There must be one lost contact from ancient times that is waiting to be called. Have fun, and don’t fear the voicemail, we all know how silly we sound on it, no big deal.  

family ties

“Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.” – Monty Burns

Sorry, I couldn’t resist putting this up here. Although this quote is so horribly wrong, it is still funny.

…

But as always, there is some truth in it, depending how you look at it. Although friends and family are the life force you need to keep on living, some might hold you back. Don’t worry, I’m not a crazy cult leader that tells you to leave everything behind (although I find it quite tempting to take on that job ;-)

I just want to express that most  friends and family will often suggest you to follow the safe path. They like you to succeed in something solid, something that will offer a good future. And, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that. It might even say that they care about you. 

But that easy path might limit your potential. Of course what good is living life on the wild side if you don’t have the means to support yourself, burning every euro you have on crazy projects? So I guess the route to follow lies somewhere in between. Just flip a coin every once and a while. But no matter which way you chose to go, remember that the roads less traveled might be a thousand times more interesting. How would you know if you won’t try it?  

This requires guts. But you do have it in you: you’ve got a stomach, intestines… all the nice gooey bits. So use it every once and a while. Go for gut, go for glory. And don’t forget to tell me a nice juicy story about it.   

mattresses

This is just an observation I made. It has nothing to do with the normal posts on this blog. But since there is no sensorsheep here, I can write whatever I want, behold: chimichangas

Anyway

Thanks to modern day technology, traveling has become easier. Digital camera’s or smartphones can show you immediately which one of your thousand shelfies looks best. Apart from digital vanity, a smartphone also offers you 101 gadgets to sat in touch with the home front.

Sometimes I wonder if that is a good thing.

Hostels, pubs, public transport… there is no place you can’t go without encountering people with their phone stuck up in their noses (not literally, of course). And yes, even I am obliged to follow this trend every now and again.

Even though there is nothing wrong with it, this behavior does create a barrier for your fellow travelers. That’s a shame, because the essence about exploring this globe is to get acquainted with new faces, exchange tips and tricks, have a good laugh, share amazing stories…

Ye, yes, I know. It is important that you keep the homefront updated on your personal safety. But must it be done on a daily basis? By keeping daily contact with friends and family, you are mentally travelling hind and fro between your actual destination and the virtual old life. Think about it, wouldn’t it be better to just take in the experience of being somewhere new? You might only travel this way once. And you can open up a facenook session anytime when you’re back home.   

By the way, have you noticed it too? Everywhere we go we can see the signs: “free wifi in here”.

And yes, even I follow those signs. But I wonder what happened to the “breakfast included” offers, or even the “free coffee”. I guess priorities change.

Although there was one hostel that really got my attention: “We have the softest mattresses in Bangkok.” If you might travel through Asia, then you know that this unique selling proposition did the trick. God, I slept well that night.

… Yes, yes you read it correctly: slept; what else would one do in Bangkok at 3 AM? Don’t answer that, please, I really don’t want to know the details.  

timing

With the previous post still in mind: let’s make it personal again.  I’ve spent about a year and a half in Ireland. During my stay I met a former reporter from radio  BBC. He was funny, harsh and knew how to administer mental beatings in order to get me in professional shape. He was, and still is, full of great advice. It didn’t always lead to the desirable effect, but it got some nice results. To tell you the truth, I could start an entire blog about his coaching, but a lot of things probably wouldn’t affect you. There is however one line that I am going to share with you. I guess, this one sticks the most:

“You are a slow student, that is true, but you’ll get there in the end. It’s not  important how long it may take you, it only matters that you make it. So don’t fret too much that others make a steadier progress. You have talent, you have the means. Take a look at yourself: you aren’t perfect, but you’ve got things sorted out all right.”

 And you know what? I still live up to that advice. Eventually I’ll get where I need to be. And so will you. It might not be in a way that you anticipate it now, because things change in time: dreams, habits, means, opportunities… but if you remain true to your ambition, you’ll get to do the things that matter most.

And don’t forget to use the farce

M

ad vice

There are times when you perfectly know what you want. And then there are other days when you’ll ask for opinions or wind up at blogs like these. The funny thing about it is that if the advice is contrary to our initial beliefs, we usually discard that advice and go for a second opinion.

So my guess is, that in fact you already knew what you want (may it be subconsciously). You just needed some confirmation, that what you are doing is the right thing. That’s okay. 

I used to gnash my teeth on it: people would ask me what to do in a certain situation,  I’d take my time and give them the full briefing on what might work. They usually respond with: “that is some GREAT advice. Thank you so much.” And then they’d go on their merry way, doing the exact opposite. 

It’s natural. And I admit, the older I become the more I realize that some issues aren’t always that simple. But I still try my best to keep you all on the right track, even though I might not know every answer. 

Perhaps the same thing goes with the real ‘experts’: consultants, psychologists, psychopaths… if their opinion seems legit for  you, go for it. If not, change your expert. Everybody has their own theory. But be wary: it’s not because they seem to know what they are talking about, that they actually do. We mostly base our comments on personal experiences, things we have read, or things we have heard from others. If your situation doesn’t seem to fit, don’t think you are a misfit: you are having a unique experience, follow your own path. 

So if some of my posts feel right to you, please, by all means give it a try.

If not, well I can always quote Clint Eastwood:

 “Opinions are like assholes: everybody has one.”      

what's the risk?

It’s strange. We risk to lose or to miss out on so many things if we remain stagnant; especially if you compare it to what happens if you do speak up or act up. There is so much to gain, even if it’s just free drinks or a nice waste of time. So why does it still feel like climbing a mountain time after time again? I guess practice makes perfect. Never slack down.

grow(l)ing

Oh grow up… well, I guess eventually we all have to. As it comes in all shapes and sizes. For example: dealing with responsibilities, stopping to tell cheesy puns on your great aunt’s funeral etc. 

But what growing (up) doesn’t mean is learning to live with the things you cannot control. Nor is it trying to anticipate on worst case scenarios. Growing is all about changing yourself, mastering the things you can control, so you could change a possible outcome in your advantage. And sometimes this is easier done than said: you are capable of amazing things. You really have more dormant skills than you initially thought you would. Try them out. Grow. Just take it one step at a time and the rest will follow.

talking king

How about a little anecdote?

It is almost unthinkable to park a car anywhere in London, without having to pay all of your lifesavings. And arriving there at 4 a.m. without any proper sleep wasn’t working in our advantage either. Still we found a space (my respect for the driver on that one).
Unfortunately  the next morning we noticed that it was a private parking space belonging to a store, which offered only a 2 hour maximum stay. And yes, a camera had registered our arrival time. The fine would be 70 pounds, and the risk of getting towed away was still imminent. Instead of heading off to another over prices lot, the driver decided to have a chat with the store manager. Against the odds, he succeeded and  got his car be registered as a ‘special visitor’. He only had to pay the manager 30 pounds for the hassle. That is 30 pounds for  a weekend worth of parking without the fear of getting towed away. 

Why this anecdote? Well, although not a spectacular one,  let it be one of many proofs, never to underestimate the power of words (combined  with the necessary respect for whomever you are talking to).
You have no idea how many things we could resolve, if we’d just take the time to have a good talk, while trying to find the mutual benefits. This is the basis of assertiveness. So take your time and start talking. Even for the most shy people this is a skill that can be taught through practice.    

slacking

Hey there, I just got back from a weekend in London, so as you might have noticed there were no posts for the last couple of days. And allow me to say, that it is highly recommendable. Ah, just to be away from everything for a few days: no email, no phone, no blog, no plans, only a few close friends who can make me laugh (even with things as simple as a pickled onion, but that’s another story).
Yes I know, we aren’t always given the means to head out and leave the country. But don’t let that stop you, there are so many places nearby where you can go to (perhaps even in the same town). Allow yourself to be surrounded by people/elements that will take your mind of from the everyday hustle. (Hush, I know, the right term would be ‘every day hassle’. Hussssh.)
Ahem, well I’d say sorry about that, but if you are someone who gets annoyed easily by my horrendous puns, then please let me escort you back to your nearest cat-loving website.
Now, back to the blog.

Sometimes people say to me: “Easier said than done, you have good friends, you know interesting people.”
My response: “Well, thank you, they are indeed a lovely bunch of miscreants.”
I do cherish  every single one of them, even though I sometimes just want to hulk-smash them against the pavement. And perhaps that is the secret. With today’s fast pacing society we are all too well familiar with the terms ‘unfriend’ or ‘disposable people’. But if there is anything I learned from life, is that sometimes people are worth the effort. We can’t always know which ones until it’s too late. So give it a try, don’t give up on them too easy. Yes, some deserve to be pushed into a bottomless cesspool, but come on… That little mistake happened years ago, anybody could have mistaken your prize-goldfish for a suppository.
A side note: apart from that poor goldfish-pun, don’t discard this idea as too naïve. I do know that sometimes we are indeed better off without certain people and that you can’t be on good terms with everybody. The only favor I ask from you today is to think about the following one: do not discard people too lightly. And if all else fails, new opportunities will rise:  

“There are no strangers here; only friends you haven’t yet met.” (William Butler Yeats)

Hmm, a lot of content in this post. I guess that will be enough load to balance off the blogless weekend, huh?