Let it go

About a year ago, I talked with a Buddhist monk. I just walked up to him and asked: “excuse me, can I pick your mind for a moment?”

Of course he looked at me funny, for just about a nanosecond. I  guess I have that effect on people. I guess no one really expects me to be straightforward. But I have my moments… sometimes. Anyway, he was happy to indulge me.

As you know one of my perks is to give people advice, whether they like it or not. But I wanted to go further, because sometimes some issues were just too deep. HowHow can you help people, when you don’t know what to say?

His response was the following.

“Internal suffering is a matter of the past. So the best way to help, is to assist them in letting go of that past, instead of clinging on to it. Focus on the now and stop bringing it up.”

This is not a strict rule: sometimes it truly helps to let people ventilate their pain. Sometimes, they don’t want advice they just want to be understood. A listening ear and a caring embrace can sometimes do wonders. But don’t allow it to become caught in a loop. Divert the focus on the nicer things in life. Take them away from the past and gently guide them into the present.
Furthermore, letting go of the past doesn’t mean breaking all contact with the people you once knew and start building up an entire life from scratch. It means stay in touch, without the constant reminders of the past. 
This is not always an easy task, but if you focus too much on what happened, you are deemed to let this past affect all your future decisions, then you’ll miss out many wonderful opportunities. And yes, there is always the danger that history might repeat itself... but on the other hand, sometimes all it takes is one opportunity to break the circle.   

family ties

“Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.” – Monty Burns

Sorry, I couldn’t resist putting this up here. Although this quote is so horribly wrong, it is still funny.

…

But as always, there is some truth in it, depending how you look at it. Although friends and family are the life force you need to keep on living, some might hold you back. Don’t worry, I’m not a crazy cult leader that tells you to leave everything behind (although I find it quite tempting to take on that job ;-)

I just want to express that most  friends and family will often suggest you to follow the safe path. They like you to succeed in something solid, something that will offer a good future. And, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that. It might even say that they care about you. 

But that easy path might limit your potential. Of course what good is living life on the wild side if you don’t have the means to support yourself, burning every euro you have on crazy projects? So I guess the route to follow lies somewhere in between. Just flip a coin every once and a while. But no matter which way you chose to go, remember that the roads less traveled might be a thousand times more interesting. How would you know if you won’t try it?  

This requires guts. But you do have it in you: you’ve got a stomach, intestines… all the nice gooey bits. So use it every once and a while. Go for gut, go for glory. And don’t forget to tell me a nice juicy story about it.   

slacking

Hey there, I just got back from a weekend in London, so as you might have noticed there were no posts for the last couple of days. And allow me to say, that it is highly recommendable. Ah, just to be away from everything for a few days: no email, no phone, no blog, no plans, only a few close friends who can make me laugh (even with things as simple as a pickled onion, but that’s another story).
Yes I know, we aren’t always given the means to head out and leave the country. But don’t let that stop you, there are so many places nearby where you can go to (perhaps even in the same town). Allow yourself to be surrounded by people/elements that will take your mind of from the everyday hustle. (Hush, I know, the right term would be ‘every day hassle’. Hussssh.)
Ahem, well I’d say sorry about that, but if you are someone who gets annoyed easily by my horrendous puns, then please let me escort you back to your nearest cat-loving website.
Now, back to the blog.

Sometimes people say to me: “Easier said than done, you have good friends, you know interesting people.”
My response: “Well, thank you, they are indeed a lovely bunch of miscreants.”
I do cherish  every single one of them, even though I sometimes just want to hulk-smash them against the pavement. And perhaps that is the secret. With today’s fast pacing society we are all too well familiar with the terms ‘unfriend’ or ‘disposable people’. But if there is anything I learned from life, is that sometimes people are worth the effort. We can’t always know which ones until it’s too late. So give it a try, don’t give up on them too easy. Yes, some deserve to be pushed into a bottomless cesspool, but come on… That little mistake happened years ago, anybody could have mistaken your prize-goldfish for a suppository.
A side note: apart from that poor goldfish-pun, don’t discard this idea as too naïve. I do know that sometimes we are indeed better off without certain people and that you can’t be on good terms with everybody. The only favor I ask from you today is to think about the following one: do not discard people too lightly. And if all else fails, new opportunities will rise:  

“There are no strangers here; only friends you haven’t yet met.” (William Butler Yeats)

Hmm, a lot of content in this post. I guess that will be enough load to balance off the blogless weekend, huh? 

People

In a world where everybody seems to be stuck between the four corners of their Smartphone; you might imagine yourself being the only living organism in this cold and shallow universe.
But rest assured you are not. People are all around you, some will provide reasons to laugh or smile and others will grind you down. That’s just the nature of it.
There is a quote that says 'hell is other people'  but also remember 'help is other people.'  We’re all in this together and you know what? You are noticed. Don’t believe me? Well, just try to break wind in a crowded elevator. Anyhow, before you actually digest your third bowl of onion chilly and rush to a nearby elevator…  Would you do me the honor of reading this little ‘poem’?  I once made it for a special person, and every now and then I send it to people who might appreciate it. It’s translated from Dutch, so forgive me if you can’t make rap music out of it.
I don’t even know if it makes sense, but some seem to find comfort in it.


‘Behind you;
on the edge of your soul, there are people standing.

Through your veil of tears you might not see them yet.

But when in need, when melancholy strikes at its worst;

you suddenly feel them.

Open hands that pull you back up

soft arms to wrap yourself in

Strong shoulders to recover your grip

And a warm smile that chases away the frost.

It happens so slowly but steadily,

until you too can carry that smile.
Behind all those shadows of doubt, a group is gathering:
people that care, even if you don’t see them.

In this world. And maybe even in the next one.

You are never alone.
Even if the darkness pushes you in a tight spot,

in your heart a light burns bright.’

Okay… guess a handful of dead poets in now turning steadily in their coffins.

Don’t worry; I’m more into Poe than poetry.

So go on: smile, lend a hand.

And don’t forget to fart in the elevator.